An open letter.. to love or not to love

I may babble on, You may read it, you may not. I just need to vent.. so here goes.

So much to say, where to start? Hmm.. I had a love once.. yeah, that sounds about right.

Sitting here pondering life, love, relationships, I found my way to my ex's facebook profile. Boy she seems happy, that's awesome! Ahh, the love that I miss. I start thinking about all the great times we had, but never stopped to realize that there were some terrible times as well. I suppose it's human nature to remember the good, and suppress the bad.

So, we met one day, not going to say how, or where, as she will probably read this if I do. Anyways, we started off on mutually agreeable terms, no relationship, just casual fun! As the fun progressed, we found each other spending more and more time with each other, going on vacation together, and emotions began to run wild. Ahh.. that is the love that everyone speaks so widely of. It's nice to care so much for someone. But, how do you love and yet have a hard time trusting them? Is anyone really trust worthy? Needless to say.. the relationship came to an abrupt end. Terrible timing on my behalf to break up with her then and there, but I needed to. It was something that needed to happen!

Four months pass, I'm a wreck. Yeah, I broke up with her, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I sit there all alone, wondering, what if. The time continues to pass.

I wake up one day, and realize, "hey, what better way to get over someone, than to get under someone else.." Ohh boy, what a terrible band-aid solution. Since it felt so right at the time, I went out that day, and found my first lay. I know I am good with women, I know how to connect with them, attract them, and allow them to feel attracted to me knowing that I will never judge them for anything they say or do. Wow, she was great! Who ever says one night stands lack in passion are WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

We wake up the next day, she's on her way without much hesitation. I get ready, and head off to work with a big smile on my face. For the first time since love ended, I was happy again. Or was I?

The year continued to unwind. A new woman almost everyday. I found my favorite meeting spot. The bookstore! Why did I care if these women were intelligent? I knew the relationship was not going anywhere beyond the physical. I was always honest about this. Never led anyone on.. never hurt anyone as a result.

SEX SEX SEX, random places, fantasies fulfilled, crazy stories, and more SEX! The women continued to come and go.. the next year passed.. and so did the women.. one by one they found their way in to my bed, and consequently found their way out my door. Ohh how much I loved to please! Mmm.. how much I loved to be pleased!

Now we are on to year number 3. It's now an art. Attract, sex, attract, sex, the perpetual circle continues. All this time.. the love i had never once entered my mind. It is a mans dream. Promiscuity at its finest! To all the men reading this.. you don't need to be good looking, or tall, or even in great shape, but you do need to be well groomed, and confident! No one should ever post on "missed connections!"

As year three winds down, I wonder.. was this all a huge mistake? I mean, thank g-d I never caught any STD's, thank g-d I was always safe! Was I just hiding my misery with random sex, and countless partners? I mean, chances are, If I didn't sleep with you, I probably slept with your friend! I became a slut! But that love never entered my mind again.. until today!

I wake up this morning. Open my eyes to see her in my bed. At this point, this is nothing unfamiliar to me. I must have dreamed about my love.. and opened my eyes to see someone else! What a shocker! All these suppressed feelings came to the surface. How badly I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her! I couldn't! It wasn't my love. It was just another random woman!

The wound that that band-aid covered got infected.. All those bottled up feelings made me ponder my life, my existence on this planet, my purpose. I know I am not here to have sex with all the women out there! So, why am I here?
I am broken now. Can I really love again? After all I have seen.. all I have done, all the married women, engaged women, and committed women I slept with. What have I done? I officially fucked myself!

And then I realized.. I can not control anything that is outside of my boundaries. Why should I waste my energy trying to. I do know this though..
I miss love, I miss that wonderful feeling when you stare in to your lovers eyes. You know, that feeling that tells you that everything is going to be ok!

Today will be the first day that I am going to stay home. Not go out looking for that woman to help me suppress my feelings for another day. Today is day one. No more sex for me, not until it's worthwhile sex! I know love comes when you least expect it, yet I long for it. I can't wait for the day that I can hold my lover in my arms, and tell her that I will never let her go!

To the guys reading this.. Don't make the same mistake! Don't sleep with women just to get over your emotions. It will ruin you in the long run! I know it is every mans dream, but I tell you, the grass is always greener on the other side!

P.S. To that love that I lost.. I will always love you.. I will always miss you, and you will forever be a part of me somewhere in my heart!

The questions everyone wants to know the answers to..

Hello again Ladies and Gents..

I decided today that I am going to add new polls to the site every day. There are so many questions out there that people want to know the true answers to. Since they are all anonymous, you don't have to worry about anyone knowing who you are, or what you responded.

If you would like to see a question answered.. feel free to leave a comment below with the question you would like me to post. If it is relevant, I will get it up right away!!

Everyone should read this..

This is Copied from PuaToronto!
This is an experience of mine that we can all learn something from...

I don't really know where to start... so I am just gonna jump in with it..

I, as of today, have officially retired from the game. I am sure many of you are curious as to why, so I will explain my reasons..

For me, it was a matter of having fun, enjoying my youth, and experiencing what life has to offer. I have fulfilled fantasies, and
had wonderful experiences with quite a few women over the years. All this time there was one thing in the back of my mind..
STD's. Now, I left it all there, in the back of my mind while having fun..

This past weekend, I had an interesting experience with someone. The following day, I felt something on my lip. Today I went to
see my doctor, and turns out everything is ok. But, after discussing STD's with him.. I am FREAKED out!!! I have a mega fear
of needles, but after my conversation with my doctor, i decided to get all blood tests done for all std's. Now, I have always
been safe, so I am not overly concerned, although it is an uneasy feeling. When my doctor asked me how many encounters
I have had, his jaw dropped. He gave me a mega lecture, and it really hit home!!!!!!!

So, before I go on to discuss this a little further.. I highly highly highly suggest that each and evey one of you goes and gets
tested for hep a/b and hiv. Most other STD's carry symptoms, but definitely go see your doctor or a clinic.

This morning I decided that I was going to get checked out.. I called a number of clinincs, and you can not imagine how hard
it is to get in to one of them. Usually 2-3 week waiting period for STD or STI tests as they now call it. Now, keep in mind I
have put this post up in the "Ethics" section of our forum. This is because it is an ethical matter. No one should be unsure, and
as a result pass on their infections to others.

If you do want to get tested you can call: AIDS and Sexual Health InfoLine 416-392-2437 or 1-800-668-2437
or visit: http://www.socialplanningtoronto.org/CSPC-T%20Current%20Projects/Access%20to%20Services/sexual%20health.html
http://www.hasslefreeclinic.org/index.html (supposedly a very good clinic)
You can't imagine how hard it was to find information online (this is such a shame).

Now for information everyone should know:

Quote:

[list=]One in five people in the United States has an STD. Two-thirds of all STDs occur in people 25 years of age or younger. One in four new STD infections occur in teenagers. Cervical cancer in women is linked to HPV. Hepatitis B is 100 times more infectious than HIV. STDs, other than HIV, cost about $8 billion each year to diagnose and treat ASHA is a trusted partner with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and operates the national AIDS, STD and Immunization Hotlines. One in five Americans have genital herpes, yet 90 percent of those with herpes are unaware they have it. At least one in four Americans will contract an STD at some point in their lives. HPV and Chlamydia are the most common STDs in the United States. More than 5 million people are infected with HPV each year. Less than half of adults ages 18 to 44 have ever been tested for an STD other than HIV / AIDS. At least 15 percent of all infertile American women are infertile because of tubal damage caused by pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), the result of an untreated STD. Two-thirds of Hepatitis B (HBV) infections are transmitted sexually, HBV is linked to chronic liver disease, including cirrhosis and liver cancer. [/list]

Quote:

Safer Sex * Of sexually active adults aged 20-24, 44% reported having sex without a condom, compared with 33% of those aged 18-19 and 22% of those aged 15-17.14 * 29% of males aged 15-19 and 44% of males aged 20-24 do not use condoms.15 * For females, 51% aged 15-19 and 53% aged 20-24 do not use condoms.16 * Of young people who reported in 2003 that they had sex with multiple partners within the past year, approximately three in 10 had not used a condom the last time they had sex.17 Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) * The term sexually transmitted infection (STI) is now commonly used in place of sexually transmitted disease (STD) in order to include infections that may be asymptomatic. * In 2003, 854,817 people aged 15-49 who have ever had sexual intercourse reported ever being diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection.18 * There are more than 25 classifications of STIs.19 * STIs can lead to genital warts, blisters, infertility, spontaneous abortion, cancer and death. * While many STIs are curable, several are not, including Hepatitis B, genital herpes, Human Papillomavirus (HPV) and the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). Human Papillomavirus (HPV) * HPV is the world's most common sexually transmitted infection. * Over 80 types of HPV have been reliably identified, but researchers believe there are likely over 200. * It is estimated that 75% of Canadians will have at least one HPV infection in their lifetime.20 * It is often referred to as a 'silent' infection as most cases are asymptomatic. * HPV is transmitted through vaginal, oral or anal sex as well as skin-to-skin contact. * HPV can cause skin warts, genital warts, pre-cancerous lesions and lead to certain types of cancers. Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) * From 1985 to 2005, a total of 60,160 positive HIV tests have been reported to the Public Health Agency of Canada.21 * In Canada in 2005, approximately 30% of individuals with HIV were unaware of their infection.22 * The average time between HIV infection and AIDS is 10 years.23 Chlamydia * Chlamydia is the most commonly reported STI in Canada.24 * Close to 63,000 cases of chlamydia were reported in 2004, the highest number of cases since the disease became reportable in 1990.25 * 40-70% of chlamydia cases present no symptoms. People may carry the infection for many years without knowing.26 * From 1997 to 2004, rates in males rose from 58.7 to 129.5 per 100,000, more than doubling, while female rates increased by 57%, from 167.8 to 263.2 per 100,000.27 * Females account for over two-thirds of all reported cases. Two-thirds of all reported cases are in the 15-24 age group.28 * Consistent condom users (100% adherence) have significantly lower rates of infection compared with inconsistent condom users (25-27% adherence).29 * Serious long-term health consequences are attributed to chlamydia including infertility, chronic pelvic pain and ectopic pregnancy, which can be a life-threatening medical emergency. Gonorrhea * Gonorrhea is the second most commonly reported STI in Canada.30 * Most men and women experience no symptoms. * Reported rates have nearly doubled from 14.9 per 100,000 in 1997 to 28.9 per 100,000 in 2004.31 * Different from chlamydia, more than 60% of reported cases are attributed to males.32 Syphilis * Syphilis affects 3.5 per 100,000 people in Canada, nearly nine times the rate in 1997 (0.4 per 100,000).33 * Syphilis is escalating in both males and females, but more so in males. 2004 rates for men were 15 times higher than in 1997 (6.3 vs. 0.4 per 100,000).34 * Male cases appear to be driven by those over 30. 82% of reported male cases and 72% of overall cases are attributed to men aged 30-59.35 www.sexualityandu.ca www.sexualityandu.ca is the ultimate Canadian web site committed to providing accurate and up-to-date information and education on sexual health. From sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to contraception awareness, lifestyle choices to talking about sex, the site offers information for teens, adults, parents, teachers and health professionals. The web site is made possible with the guidance and collaboration of a team of distinguished Canadian medical organizations, and is led by the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada.

PLEASE EVERYONE.. BECOME FAMILIAR WITH ALL OF THIS, AS THIS IS A BIG PART OF DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS. YOU MUST PROTECT YOUR OWN!!
DON'T BE A FOOL, WRAP YOUR TOOL!!

Who is ~Aar

I thought it would be important for you as well as useful to know who I am, and where I come from. So, to avoid wasting any time, I am just going to jump in with it..

Everyone calls me Aar.. it's short for my real name, which doesn't take much of a rocket scientist to guess what it is. I grew up in South Africa, and moved all over the world, before settling down in the cold frigid country known as Canada.

I am very surprised by a lot of the ignorance I see around me, so allow me to clarify a few things before i go on.. No, I am not black, just because I lived in Africa does not mean I am black. No, we did not live in the wild, and no, I did not have a lion as a pet.. although I have played with baby lion and tiger cubs (in captivity). South Africa is a gorgeous country, and soon to be home of the 2010 Fifa Soccer World Cup. Now on to Canada. No we do not live in igloos!

Ok, great, now that that is all clarified, I can move on.. Being as though I was an adolescent moving around the world, I had to learn how to make new friends at an early age. The porblem for me was that I learned how to make girl friends, but not guy friends. This caused many issues for me growing up as I was a big threat to the boys around me. I began dating at a very young age, and continued my interest in social relations as I grew up. I focussed my studies on social, evolutionary, and interpersonal psychology, and began teaching men how to attract women in to their lives. I created PuaToronto, which is soon going to change as I am not a mega fan of the connotation behind the term "PUA."

Feel free to ask me anything in the comments section below, and I will be only too obliged to answer.

~Aar

Dating in the 21st Century

Dating as we once knew it has changed! It's now a matter of survival of the fittest. Who will be able to develop that necessary attraction, who will fall back at the sidelines? The truth is, because of the mega success of the best selling book, The Game, there is no natural attraction anymore. Men of all calibers are trying to use the rules set forth by this book to get ahead in the dating world. One could argue that there are severe ethical implications to this.

This Blog is designed to help all those who wish to become better within the dating scene, and to do it from an ethical standpoint. No seduction here. Straight out attraction!!